Monday Blues

Another boring day. I thought of doing some self-study on the Portal Development using RAD but I only went on the application for like 5 minutes. I'm totally demotivated to do anything because when I asked for jobs to do, someone will say that 'I'll assign you the job later' and when I asked for a RAM upgrade, no one bothers to request for it from the support team. So what am I to do????? Sit down and relax until I rot????

God!! It's sickening enough to be overloaded with jobs and it is even more sickening to be doing absolutely nothing day in and out. This has been going on for almost two months now. I'm demotivated to work what more enjoy every single bit of coming here but the only smiley factor is that I'm getting paid. Still getting paid.

I wonder what will happen when they check out on my performance when appraisal month approaches. Oh what the heck, I don't think I'll be here anyway when it comes. The heck with the appraisal craps because I know I'm doing nothing here.

Hmm....

So time and again, I keep on thinking on what I really want to do in life? I've gone through many jobs and experienced a whole lot too but nothing seems to stick by for that long. But by far, I think I enjoyed the when I was working as a teacher for a month. The satisfaction level was almost a 100%. But then, come again certain factor like trying to exceed my limits and capabilities in doing things.

I've always dream big on things. I want to be able to be a somebody. But the road is not easy. I think I'm getting there somehow or rather but how long can I hang on??? I know that I don't really enjoy programming that much. I'm doing this because this is what I've strived my ass for three years in my degree program and six months in the ACCP program. I think that this is the only job that I can get hired as and probably be good at.

And the last time when I turned down the Siebel job so that I could be in this company, I think that's where I made a mistake. I should be brave to take on risks. Probably at that time, I was already sick and tired of taking risks in my job. I thought taking the safest way out will be okay, but nah. It's SO NOT.

I should take risks in things. Just go for it. If I've always wanted to venture into Consulting line in IT, then, I should just go for it.

But the question is now...how do I get into that line of work? I know of friends who are doing them, but I still have no idea on where to begin. Probably the best resort is to get the hell out of here. But the three months notice period is driving me mad. I'm even saving up on my leave days just so that probably I can use them all in one shot soon. Heck, some planning I have.

Oh God...I'm utterly clueless. Please HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!

Give me ideas. I'm hungry of them.

but thankfully, my weekends for the past few weeks were awesome and have always been greeeeaaatttt....I'm looking forward for the weekend and it's only just Monday!